Introduction

What do John F. Kennedy, Ronald Reagan, and Barak Obama all have in common?

Besides the obvious (the first two are former Presidents while Obama will become President on January 20th) — all three of these individuals were/are …outstanding speakers.

Love them or hate them …you can’t deny the fact that their ability to speak and articulate ideas had a HUGE impact on their success.

Show me a highly successful person — and I’ll show you a person who has the ability to speak well and arouse passion and purpose in others.

Today’s article is an excerpt from another one of Frank Tibolt’s books called:  The Art of Persuasion: How to Influence Others and Control Your Destiny.

[Frank Tibolt is also the author of the self-help classic, A Touch of Greatness. ]

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The Hidden Ingredient in All Success
by Frank Tibolt

The three great industrial Henrys — Henry Ford, Henry Kaiser and Henry Doherty — all stated in slightly different words:

“I can hire employees to do anything except one thing: TO DO THINGS IN THE ORDER OF THEIR IMPORTANCE”.

Let’s learn from these three giants and KEEP FIRST THINGS FIRST.  And what comes FIRST in mastering conversation?

The first requirement for mastering ANY skill, whether Golf, French, Typing or Conversation is a BURNING DESIRE to master it.

Without this intense desire, you’ll quit at the first obstacle — particularly if it doesn’t come easily.

Right now you’re ambitious. But unless you keep a fire under that ambition, it will go out.

To keep that fire burning, you need the HIDDEN INGREDIENT.

That hidden ingredient in mastering ANYTHING, is SELF MOTIVATION.

Self motivation, is an integral, inseparable part of ability, not some outside aid. Without SELF motivation, ability is not complete. It’s only potential.

The only true, lasting motivation is SELF motivation.

Real talent is always IMPELLED, self-propelled from the inside. Mere outside motivation never lasts. It ends as soon as the outside force ends. So our task is to supply this inside motivation.

There are several ways.

The easiest and quickest way is to read biography — stories of how others licked their obstacles and won.

Another way is to keep in mind the REASONS you want to master a subject. This is the method Dr. Butler used to motivate Eleanor Roosevelt.

He spent more time in motivation than in all his other instructions combined. He gave her 44 reasons for keeping up her interest.

I’m going to follow Dr. Butler’s example, and give you a number of reasons to motivate you. Some will be in the form of examples, others, precepts or explanations.

Joseph Kennedy, father of the former president, used to award prizes to his children at the dinner table for the most interesting conversation.

He claimed training in conversation is the only logical training for public speaking, conference speaking, selling, or any other kind of talking.

He stated this training in conversation did more than their 4 years of college for making one of his sons President, one Attorney General, another Senator and 8 of his nine children popular and powerful public speakers.

He probably learned this technique from William Gladstone whose father also used his dining room for training his children in speaking.

Gladstone once stated to a graduating class that his three college degrees were mere “beginning training”.

His “finishing training” was training in speaking.

He stated this training in speaking did more than his three degrees for enabling him to become elected four times as Prime Minister and for earning the affectionate title of: ENGLAND’S GRAND OLD MAN.

When Eleanor Roosevelt was voted one of the world’s most admired women, she stated:

“It shocks me beyond belief that schools and colleges devote months and years teaching foreign languages and a dozen other skills that few people ever use in later life, and completely neglect Everyday Conversation, the skill that everybody uses every day of his or her life. And it’s the skill that does more for us in getting along with people and making something of ourselves than any half dozen other skills.”

Dorothy Dix, famous marriage counselor, was asked what one thing she considered the surest test of fitness for a happy marriage between two people. Her answer,

“Will you enjoy each other’s conversation for a lifetime?”

At another time Dorothy Dix wrote:

“Similarity of interests is a stronger cementer of friends and marriage partners than the marriage vow or even children. Much of what is called incompatibility is merely lack of similar interests. Most marriages that break up, do so, not because the partners changed, which is usually charged, but because they were not compatible to start with. When getting acquainted they were so engrossed in physical love, they couldn’t think straight and were too impatient to take the time to really understand each other’s DEEP, ABIDING interests, the subject of all their future conversations.”

Marjorie Wilson, the charm authority stated something similar to Eleanor Roosevelt:

“I’ve never been able to understand just why we are willing to prepare ourselves for every activity of living except every day conversation. We learn foreign languages, most of which we’ll never use, to dance, play cards and a dozen other skills we never use, but the one skill that means more to us than all the others combined, we leave to chance. Anything left to chance gets chance results.”

Bruce Barton wrote:

“I have in my library about a thousand books on biography. More of these men talked themselves to the top, than all the thinkers, writers and scientists combined. Good talkers always have won. They always will. The smart thing is to join them”.

Dr. Nicholas Murray Butler stated: The two chief functions of education are to teach people to think, and to become effective conversationalists.

Newton Baker, former Secretary of War said:

“The dining room and it’s conversation go a long way in shaping future America”.

The employment manager of the huge Budd Company in Philadelphia depends more on conversation than on routine tests to decide on certain types of employees.

After the applicant has filled out his application form, he calls him into his office for a friendly chat. He greets him affably, asks him casually about the ball game or the weather.

While the applicant is expecting to hear some questions listed on his application, he is suddenly dismissed.

He states most job skills can be learned in a few months. But it takes years to develop the right personality, of which 75% is conversation.

In the few minutes, he has revealed his poise, his manners; his interests, — whether he’s friendly, alert and can handle himself with others.

Many budding executives have flunked the conversation test on the golf links.

Montaigne once stated:

“Whenever you talk, your mind comes out and parades before your listener”.

And Bruce Barton wrote:

“Your conversation is your trademark. Every time you talk, you open your mind for people to look in.”

The lack of a little more skill in conversation has separated many job seekers from the job they were after.

Shakespeare wrote:

“Mend your speech a little, lest it mar your fortune.”

Thousands have ordinary jobs because their conversations are ordinary.

Even in such jobs as accounting, engineering, architecture and other jobs not dealing directly with people, conversation is usually a big factor in both getting the job and advancing in it.

R. L. Stevenson stated:

“There can be no fairer ambition than to excel in conversation. It helps us to know our fellowmen AND OURSELVES. The first duty and first pleasure is talking. It costs nothing. All is profit. It completes our education, nourishes our friendship and is enjoyed for life.”

Stop and think.

Isn’t it your conversation that has brought you most of the things you prize most — friends, jobs, money, contacts, confidence?

If you’d lose your conversation you’d be more helpless than if you lost an arm or leg.

Human society thrives on speech, more than on any other skill.

Conversation is a LUCK MAGNET

I once wrote an article on the subject of LUCK.

Later, when I reread the article I thought to myself: Is this an article on luck or on conversation?

The subject of conversation appeared in the article almost as often as the subject of luck.

You’ve doubtless heard a number of definitions and formulas for becoming lucky.

The most frequently quoted, and probably the most respected one reads: WHEN PREPARATION MEETS OPPORTUNITY, THAT’S LUCK.

More often than we realize, Conversation is the bridge that connects PREPARATION and OPPORTUNITY.

And without that bridge, there’d be no luck.

Because conversation is so indirect, and so taken for granted, it seldom gets the credit it deserves as the necessary ingredient in luck, success and fortune.

The ability to speak well and communicate is truly The Hidden Ingredient in All Success.

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